|
|
Thursday, October 12th, 2006
| |
9:12 pm - Update
|
So the date bombed out but its ok I ended up hanging out in Santa Monica with Adrianna. Had a good time. Besides that work is going great I'm super excited about it. I was just trained to do the front desk too. I guess they think I'm friendly and good enough to represent the Company. OO wow and the bosses are freakin' fine! Honestly good looking people. Its like working for Calvin Klien or something.. OOO sooo Hot. lol
Anyways its nice to look at thats all.
got to go but Steve's birthday is coming up.
So here here's a shout out to him on his birthday!!!
Take Care and Wish you All the happiness in the world
bye for now
Brianna
|
|
(comment on this)
|
| Friday, October 6th, 2006
| |
1:24 am - I've Got a Date!!
|
O Yeah, I got a date Saturday! I'm really excited about it. Not nervious but excited. I"m going to meet up with this guy that I've been talking to for a few months. He's a drummer from a Kick Ass Band from New York. He's in town for some music gig thingy. Anyways he's super cool and easy to talk to. On top of that, hes Very Hot! So all around its looking good for me lately.
The funniest thing ever is that his name is Micheal and he's Jewish.
This is funny because I'm talking to another Micheal whos Jewish too. His nick name is Micky anyways Mickey is the sweetest guy ever. He makes me laugh sooo hard. The other day we were online chating and we had our web cam's running. He was bagging on my grandma pj's and then I started to bag on him too. He went and changed into the most funniest underwear I've ever seen in my life. They had a huge Superman Sign on the butt and he jumped on the chair and pretended to fly. I started laughing soo hard that I almost started crying. He's 29 years old and acting like a fool to make me laugh...That was PRICELESS!! He tells me he misses me if we go with a day of talking and he always tells me how sexy I am. Anyways He's a Great Guy!
OO man, these Jewish guys crazy!!
and here I thought I was hahaahahahahaha
So thats whats been going on with me
the job is working out really nicely and again I can't stress enough how happy I am about working there.
Good Times Good Times
|
|
(comment on this)
|
| Sunday, October 1st, 2006
| |
11:58 am - Thoughts about the new job
|
So I worked yesterday, Saturday. I love the people there very nice and have gone out of there way to make me feel welcome. I learned that my job is a little hard than it looks but I'm excited to learn some new stuff.
Looks like I've got a lot of stuff to be grateful for. I'm glad that I have my family behind me to suport me and help me get out the mess I made for myself.
I love them all very much.
Besides this fact. I'm glad that I'm going to be able to just spend most of my time thinking of work stuff instead of life stuff.
Its going to a lot easier to deal with.
On top of that I'm going to learn a lot of stuff in regards to excel system stuff, and balancing.
This in turn is only going to bring more knowledge, and knowledge is power!!
:)
So thats what I"m looking forward too
My mom picked me up new cloths for work and there really cute.
Yes!! lol
Sad I lost the desire to go shopping.
One thing that I want to make sure that I continue to do is go to the gym.
It was very nice feeling to do for something for myself.
:)
Brianna
|
|
(comment on this)
|
| Saturday, September 30th, 2006
| |
6:09 am - My Choice
|
So I choose to go with the accounting job.
Wow I was so nervious yesterday but seriously everyone went out of there way to make me feel welcome and apart of them.
I really felt the difference between the last place I was at and here. Complete difference!
There all really sweet and the job isn't that hard. I"m sure it will after time but from what I can tell nothing to extreme and they have a lot for me to work on. So I'm excited its not going to be a lot of down time!
I'm going in today to help out. Can you believe I'm working a saturday? hahahaha..well I don't mind one bit, if they treat me like this I will most def. give my all.
B
|
|
(comment on this)
|
| Friday, September 29th, 2006
| |
1:44 am - some thoughts on what was writen earlier
|
I just want to say that I'm soo proud of him.
This was a big step and Jonathan will always be in my heart. I only wish him all the happiness in the world. I continue to encourage him and pray for him in our silence.
I know one day soon he'll be a great man, a great father, and a great husband.
and I just want to say that "I'm sorry" is mutual.
Once again I Thank You God for bringing healing and allowing him to write what he wrote. Today was the most perfect time to have read this.
I had gone to court today for the ticket I recieved and it was a very difficult day to get though. Court seemed to be a place where I felt no justice was servered, I was bitter and reminded once again of the past, and the prison of my mind's memories.
Hearing or reading his appoligy was soo healing and needed to me because I cared about him so much.
at peace,
Brianna
|
|
(comment on this)
|
| Thursday, September 28th, 2006
| |
10:29 pm
|
This is what Jonthan wrote in his blog... It was an answered prayer
Thank You God!
........................................................
As some of you may know, I've been in Israel for the past few weeks attending my cousin's wedding. Even though I was only gone for a little longer than 2 weeks, I feel like I'm not the same person I was before I left. Have you ever had something happen to you that made you realize a higher purpose?
I spend night and day working to build an empire because this is the life I've chosen. Moreover, it's not so easy to challenge these goals and dreams when years of faith and belief have caused them to become engrained in your identity. If you have a goal that has been constant for years, though thick and thin, does it not define you? Analogously, does challenging these long-felt ideas of purpose and meaning necessarily force one to reexamine life through more scrutinizing eyes? I put so much of myself into my work and my childhood dreams of greatness and success without pausing to reflect upon whether or not success could really bring the happiness I always believed it could.
In Israel, so much time, effort, and energy is put into relationships of all kinds. Friends are closer, husbands and wives seem more connected and happier, and family reigns supreme. And yet, compared to what I know and am accustomed to here in the states, life isn't as comfortable and easy. This is the tricky part. They live more modestly, have fewer possessions, much less money, and yet seem ironically happier. This has no doubt forced me to rethink my previous definition of "quality of life."
Ever since I was about 16 or so, I've been slipping into periodic depressions that usually don't last longer than a few weeks. For the past 10 years now, I've been handling these episodes in the exact same way, by pointing fingers at others and convincing myself that they are the source of my unhappiness. And yet like an idiot, I've been unable to make the obvious connection that while people come and go, the unhappiness remains. Could it be me? It's very easy to say "it's your fault." Doing so requires very little work, and more importantly, no self-examination. Unfortunately, what I should have realized long ago, is that while this method makes me feel better in the interim, it doesn't eliminate the problem – only the symptom. With no symptoms, you can easily fool yourself into believing that everything is fine again, until the next wave hits and you're forced to sever yet another meaningful relationship you can't really afford to lose.
More difficult is to say, "What is it about me or the way I'm leading my life that's causing these feelings?" Once this question has been answered, dealt with, and acknowledged for what it really is, a roadblock to happiness, then and only then can you really begin to cultivate meaning through the relationships you have. I can't help but to feel regretful for all those I've had to unjustly disenfranchise myself from throughout the years on account of my obstinance. I'm sorry. What can I say? I'm too egotistical and arrogant for my own good:)
What good is being a king without a queen?
Z
|
|
(comment on this)
|
| Wednesday, September 27th, 2006
| |
4:04 am - Job Offers
|
Ok so I can't sleep tring to figure out whats my next move. I have been offered some very interesting jobs.
1. Striper- My two close girlfriends both work as a stripers and told me there is serious money to be made. Which I've seen first hand. I've been working out at the gym and getting in shape so this is not so far off as it was in the past. Do I think I can do it? Accually yes, not for a long time, and not with out even more emotional damage but yes I can see it doing some good when it comes to fast money. I could be completely out of debt in a month vs. working 6 months full time to make the same kind of money.
Hmmmm... another problem...My belief's. This is an important one because being a striper is "how do you say" Not good thing, to take it lightly. Friends: That I currently have and most of my family would flip out if I got caught up doing this kinda thing. I'd really piss of a lot of people that have always pegged me for a moral upright kinda of girl. The thing with this that I'm kinda of lost a little, and trying to find a balance between hard on myself and allowing what people to think of me detour me from who I really am inside. I'm not completely a good girl and not a bad girl either. So there it is. Point blank... When am I going to be mature enough and wise enough to and confident enough to be myself competely and not feel ashamed of my desires? Very Hard question, but I"m going off in a tangent right now and lossing track of the choices I have right now.
2. Loan Officer- Strickly Commission based. No salary. same kinda thing "husseling" I've got to get out there and bring in business. Now I know an extreme amount of information about Finance and Realestate but there are some key elements that have held me back in the past from steping up and doing this. First because I'm more comfortable being introverted. You ask my friends they would disagree with that statement but I know myself...I'm shy for the most part and this job is going to require a lot of extroverted character and gives me the ablity to work my own hours no real boss but me and I have full control of how much I want to make in a month. If I pull out my balls and go for it I know I can do it. The question is do I really want to work that hard? And do I really want to take this risk in this kinda of a market (been a little crazy lately) or go with the reliable paycheck? So Questions Questions Questions....The positive is that I have a great gut feeling about this company and its owners, not like a few months ago when I attempted to do this line of work with a shady company and forced to strickly target the latin community giving them really shitty loans. In three days I had 2 loan applications started...Very good for a scrub you can say but I didn't flow though because my gut told me this was a bull shit company in some form and I refuse to do anything that makes me feel uncomfortable.
3. I have an interview tommrow for a accounting position. Now I haven't got the job offer but I know that I can nail the interview. I'm good at that...reading people and figuring out more or less what they need to hear to get the job.
The pro about this job is that is local (so are the others) and the other it will give me more accounting experence on my resume. Currently I only have a little less than 2 years.
The con is accounting after a while sucks ass. Its boring and I don't get to work with people its more like a cubie, me and numbers all freakin day long. Don't get me wrong I love numbers, but I just don't want to start dreaming about excel sheets and up coming audits. Gruuuu....
4. Construstion Reseptionist- This is so entry level but whatever at this point its giving a new direction to take my resume. I can get into construction companies and thats a completely different type of work place.
The pro's are new enviorment, different stresses, more property management transition experance, and thats about it.
The con's hmmm... working with a lame ass contractor with a dirty mouth most likely, and suppliers calling for money all the time. Dead lines on projects and things like that. bla bla doesn't really sound all that bad.
5. I really need to finish college. I need to work on my writing skills. They have gone to shit and its only getting worse because now I know that I can't lie to myself that they aren't that bad because they are. I can't articulate myself and my lanaguage and grammer are an nightmare parizing me form doing more and going into other directions in my life..
For Example.. I've always kinda wanted to be a laywer, teacher, a designer or some sort (clothing, computer, or achitecture) or Bussiness owner. But to do this takes a lot of school and better verbal and writen skills. for the business owner more or less the same thing...I need to improve on these weaknesses bottom line and I haven't finished what I have started.
So thats where I"m at right now
5 choices and directions to go with my future and not sure if I get where I need to be.
~B
current mood:  contemplative
|
|
(comment on this)
|
| Friday, September 22nd, 2006
| |
3:09 pm - Thank You God
|
For answering my prayer, allow him to come close to you and if Kerri is that woman for him, I ask that you bless that relationship. Make him a better man and teach him how to be faithful.
You are always in Control.
I love you God.
Brianna
|
|
(comment on this)
|
| |
4:10 am - This is for "Broken"- Jonathan
|
Yeah I saw it, and I continue to pray for him. I know my God is faithful and one day he'll see the things that are soo hard to explain and to show to him. I believed that I failed in a lot of ways, but good will come out of it. I know it. I trust it. I still care for him deeply and will not stop caring about him, but its been a year now (Rosh Hashanah) and my presence in his life is not a good thing right now. God's got to do what needs to be done, one on one with him. And I have to trust that God's taking care of it. I miss him a lot but will not move because I stand on a rock. "The Rock of Ages" and never deny my Lord Jesus.I have the strength Job had in the bible. Jesus is my first love and I am faithful first to Him.
So Let Gods Will be done, not my own selfish desires.
Dear God,
Only you know me better than anyone in this world because you made me.
I give you this situation whatever it is that has caused the brokeness in each of us, and ask that you start heal and mold us in the way you want us to grow.
Lord, I'm am so sorry for actions and words that were said that weren't from you. I thank you for the cord of three that is unbreakable. For you are everything that we are not and you are our strength. Let your light, your love, your peace, your wisdom, your understanding,your peace, your patience, be in the mist of our lives.
I Thank you God for the Work you are Doing now and continue to trust you thought the storms of our lives. Your are our Foundation!
Thank you Thank you Thank you
All Glory and Honor to The Most High!
Amen
|
|
(comment on this)
|
| |
3:57 am - the poet is gone, I now know its ok
|
So I found him ...again.
I"m proud of myself because I didn't write him.
I did nothing but wish him the best.
I guess he's got a new job and its helping people. I'm so proud of him.
I know he will be great at it.
Sometimes I miss him and I know his birthday is coming up again but I will say nothing and let it pass without a word.
Its the best thing to do. I've learned to let him go completely.
Wow its taken so long but that chapter is over in my life. I turned the page and began to find its time to move on, move forward, and release him.
my poet is gone.
|
|
(comment on this)
|
| Sunday, January 29th, 2006
| |
1:14 am - Something I"m tried of
|
|
So My brother thinks that I could bipolor? Great! Thanks Armando make me feel better. Thanks, You know what I'm thinking if I can't bet them then join them. I'm so tried of trying to be the good christian girl. Gurrr.. I just want to scream! Still haven't really had a health relationship and I know its me thats the problem. I go for losers all the time and I'm geting sick of it!!!!!! What the fuck is wrong with me, I knew better than to put my heart out there!
|
|
(comment on this)
|
| Saturday, December 24th, 2005
| |
7:09 pm - Jonathan continues to Burn all Hope in Him
|
When is a bridge not a connection, but a curse? When should we set fire to the suspension wires and
dance in the glow of severed ties? When that ignition is a divine command. When justice, character, and sincerity separate the oppressed from their cruel oppressor. And when that bridge is
the only path for the past to haunt and traverse. These songs
are to played alongside righted wrongs. These songs are to
be played while the support beams to fruitless relationships
plummet into the pit.
And I'll wave good night to the other side while they watch
our smiles dance in the firelight
Yourself
You could see me reaching
So why couldn't you have met me half way?
You could see me bleeding
And you would not put pressure on the wound.
You only think about yourself...
You only think about yourself...
You better bend before I go
on the first train to Mexico.
You could see me breathing
And you still kept your hand over my mouth.
You could feel me seething
But you just turned your nose up in the air.
You only think about yourself...
You only think about yourself...
You better bend before I go
on the first train to Mexico
You live inside a dream
Everything tastes so sweet
As long as it agrees with how you feel
You're dancing in your sleep
'Til all the eyes that look at me
awaken your anxieties
You're so afraid, so you try to break me, yeah
I don't want to care
And I don't want to hate
And I don't want to see you fall too far away
All because of fear
'Cause when you're afraid
You lash out at me
When you say all the things that you never meant to say
And try to break me
But in the end, what leaves you broken
In the end, makes you better, yeah
Your face looks so green
When the sun is shining differently
And you're standing in the shade
'Cause face to face you're sweet
Like candy sticking to my teeth
But underneath so damaging
There is no strength in trying to break me, no
I don't want to care
And I don't want to hate
And I don't want to see you fall too far away
All because of fear
'Cause when you're afraid
You lash out at me
When you say all the things that you never meant to say
And try to break me
But in the end, what leaves you broken
in the end, makes you better
Yeah, I don't want to hate
I don't want to be broken
I don't want to hate you
I don't want to hate
I don't want to be broken
I don't want to hate you
I don't want to care
and I don't want to hate
and I don't want to see you fall too far away
All because of fear
'Cause when you're afraid
you lash out at me
When you say all the things that you never meant to say
and try to break me
But in the end, what leaves you broken
In the end, makes you better, Yeah
Current Lyrics
You live inside a dream
everything taste so sweetAs long as it agrees with how you feel
Your danceing in your sleep
to all the eyes that look at me
are working your angzieties
Your so afraid, so you try to break me
I dont want to care
and I dont want to hate
And I dont want to see you fall to far away
All because of fear.
Cause when your afraid
you lash out at me
and you say all the things that you never ment to say
and try to break me
But in the end what leaves you broken
in the end it makes you better
Your face it looks so green
when the sun is shineing diffrently
and your standing in the shade
cause face to face your so sweet
like candy sticking to my teeth
but underneeth so damageing
Theres no strength in trying to break me
I dont want to care
and I dont want to hate
And I dont want to see you fall to far away
All because of fear.
Cause when your afraid
you lash out at me
and you say all the things that you never ment to say
and try to break me
But in the end what leaves you broken
in the end it makes you better
I'm Done I"m Done
|
|
(comment on this)
|
| Thursday, March 10th, 2005
| |
12:37 am - conversations on the phone with Mario
|
So mario and I talked on Tuesday and you know me I can talk and talk and talk. Lol the next thing I knew we ran out of minutes. I told him I was sorry for talking so much. I got into this converstation about the Maya culture vs. Egyptian vs. others. then we talked about school and education and then the war in guatemala where the president was ordering all the indians killed as a part of ethnic cleansing. Anyways it was very interesting what we talked about. I told him sorry for talking so long and he laughed and says that He loves hearing me talk I'm extremely interesting person with a point of view about alot of things and thats one of the reasons he loves talking to me.
The we talked about music and shared songs with eachother. He was laughing cus' somehow the topic of cartoons came up and what we grew up on. He talked about thunder cats and then El Chavo. I told Him I remembed El Chavo and how my mom aways said that I reminded her of the girl on the show.
lol
The girl is crazy bossy but has a good heart under it all but she's a bit of a brat and always telling off el chavo and the other boy off.
When I told mario that He about died laughing saying I was exactly like her. He laughed for a long time and then I pretended to get upset that he was laughing so much. He laughed and then I finally gave in and laughed with him saying that he had to have been the chavo. The poor homeless boy that lived in the trash can and aways was geting into trouble.
it was a great converstation!
As the minutes ran out he told me that It might take a long time before He could call me again cus' He has to save some money for the next calling card I said it was ok and that I loved him.
he told me
by the end of the week he'd call. So tommrow... I care about you
the next day ...I love you and the day after He'd need me...and have to talk to me.
So I told him the same and blew a kiss good bye
and thats that!
xoxo
I Know I'm Crazy about this guy.
MARIO ROCKS MY WORLD
lol
current mood:  energetic
|
|
(comment on this)
|
| Tuesday, March 8th, 2005
| |
4:00 am - the early morning call, I realized I loved so much
|
So I called mario and we talked I felt so much better and we worked out our problems. I truely didn't realize how much I loved the guy. Most of the conversation was me crying and talking. I'm so glad I did. He told me he was sorry for not being understanding and he said that he was just arguing to argue with me and that he didn't mean what he said about not going to church. He was just hurting cus' of he friend thats in the hospital. anyways He was surprised taht i called him so early in the morning and that I cared so much. He thought it would take me a while before I'd talk to him again. He reasured me that he loved me still and that whats the best for me and doesn't want to confuse me. I told him I was sorry for not talking to him about what was bothering me. I told him that I bottled it up and just wanted to ingore it but it was eating me up inside and when I tried to talk to him about it was a very bad time to do it in. Anyways I it was good and I could finally sleep. I felt at peace about the thing.
current mood: Peaceful
|
|
(comment on this)
|
| Monday, March 7th, 2005
| |
1:51 am - late night thoughts
|
sad again. fuck me! gruuu.. I saw some movie on t.v. tonight and it was a love story. Plus mario didn't call like he said he would. who knows anymore maybe the phone line was busy cus' of the computer. I don't even think I would have taken the call the wound is still fresh right now. Thank god Nicole borrowed the c.d's that mario gave me. I'd be lissoning to them now and crying my eyes out. I just need a hug right now.
the cracks in my heart are ripping me apart.
I keep going back and forth, did he love or he didn't???
just want to be loved and i can't take anymore rejection anymore!
current mood:  annoyed
|
|
(comment on this)
|
| Sunday, March 6th, 2005
| |
10:39 am - the day after
|
I'm not mad anymore, Christina called me and we talked she made me feel a ton better. I'm happy now. I feel good now!
you know journal I wasn't doing so well. I truely was hurt by his response to my news. I thought he didn't love me cus'of he reaction. Anyways christina reasured me that wasn't the case, that guys are different about showing stuff and they don't know aways what we what to hear. So anyaways i'm starting to get over it now. not crying anymore.
Nicole and I went out last night and we had a blast. We danced all night it was cool.We went to Mvile and she liked it alot we are planing to go back again. I laughed cus' I wasn't able to call her back for our plans, so she took the inititive and came over. She said to me that its very rare that i ever want to go and that she wasn't going back out now. She's got to get me while i'm hot and in the mood to go out. I laughed so hard. I thought that was funny. I told her next time just show up at the door I'll be down for anything. I don't like plans, it always gives me enough time to back out of it. so I told her I like spur of the moment things and mostlikely be down for that.
current mood:  content
|
|
(comment on this)
|
| Saturday, March 5th, 2005
| |
8:20 am - the break up aftermath with mario (few hours latter)
|
I can't sleep still thinking about the mario thing. Now I feel angry. He didn't take it as bad as I did. It's weird because if you would have asked me before this I would have thought he'd be the one hurt. I thought He truthly loved me more than I did. No I feel stupid to have believed that he cared. I know think He just didn't have the balls to tell me he was seeing someone else. I feel stupid for not worrying when he went out with his friends that were girls. I'm very angry that I'm the one left crying and upset from the break up. I think I knew he was changing with me. What trigered wanting to break up with him was his lack of love for God and wanting to have a relationship with him. I should have know this would be a problem in the end. O why brianna can you be so stupid to put yourself and your heart out there to be let down. The sad thing is he didn't even put up a fight to keep me. He's too passive and doesn't do anything to keep something good. I know I cared my weight in the relationship, I just thought that he truthly did love me. Wrong Wrong and wrong again.
I'm angry with myself and with him!!
thats what I'm feeling at this very moment, anger.
I don't know if even want to talk to him again.
gruuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu
no correction
screammmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I hate having a broken heart!!!
I'm very bitter right now
current mood: angry
|
|
(comment on this)
|
| |
2:21 am - break up with mario
|
I broke up with mario. I cried when i told him and I'm crying now. I did it because it makes me so sad that he's not close to God. What can I say. I know Gods got someone very special for me and deep down even on top of the love i have for mario I know he's not right for what God wants for me. How I wish it were so but its not.
He also has been distant with me, I can't put my finger on it but its been different. He told me he knew it was coming about 2 weeks ago. I didn't know I made this choice tonight after we were talking about God and stuff. It disheartened me so that I knew it was time to cut it off. I've been fighting the feeling of calling him to let him know i didn't mean it but I know it was the correct thing to do.
I have to just surrender this to God and let God do what needs to be done with my life. I'm on borrowed time. His time. I must surrender my heart. It can't be shared with mario.
Anyways thats whats up with me right now.
brianna
|
|
(comment on this)
|
| Thursday, March 3rd, 2005
| |
3:37 am - Nicole, then Francis, then Mom
|
My brother francis called today looking for mom, but ended up talking to me for a while. If thats not strange enough. Here I am have a silent breakdown and he starts talking to me about this class he wants me to take. Its a finance class and he said he'd pay for me to go. there more to our conversation but it was basically that he knows that i'm in a shit hole when it comes to money and I seriously had lost complete hope.
Its kinda wierd having my brother in touch with God more than me I guess you can say. Not in anyway putting him down in fact impressed with him and the whole family for that matter. I love them a lot and it seems that he can always cut thought the bull shit with me and get to the sore spot. Its a good and bad thing I feel. Good cus' it shows he cares and that my brother does love me, even though he rarely tells me so. And bad cus' it leaves me so vulunerable or exposed. gurrrrr...
just emotional brianna again. I'm just tring to process the whole thing cus' it came out of the blue. Truthy I believe its got to be from God, my brother doesn't know where I'm at right now nor the things that have been on my mind right now. I'm just stunded. Is God tring to tell me something right now or what? I talked to mom to night. I opened up to her and then she changed it to how she's feeling and how depressed she's been.... then she started saying some really wise things. I wish i had a recorder so that i could always play it back, in the case I'd lost her I could still have her counciling words.
it was something along these lines"brianna you have to stop believe these lies that the devil tells you about yourself you keep believing them all the time, its like you can't look in the mirror and see the beauty God has given you, you keep doubting yourself, and your talents and self worth remember bre who you are..A DAUGHTER OF THE MOST HIGH, don't get so complicated with everything, life is simple remember that, if its going to be a bad day and everything is falling apart remember the only thing you have to do is breath. Thats it!! just breath, its that simple, life that is. just breath when it gets too hard."
the night before last I say this program on tv. it was a woman preacher, rare but interesting. Anyways the only thing that stuck out in everything she was saying is, when much is give much is expected.
Gods give me a lot of talents and much is expected from me. MUCH FAITH AND TRUST IN HIM. everytime i'm close to God the struggles aren't that hard at all. He gives me a undecripable peace. Like i'm floating on clouds in a middle of a rain storm. But the second i doubt like peter walking on water i sink and Jesus has to come and save me because I'm drownding.
Anyways..Nicole from church called me and we talked its so weird cus' we started talking about God usually do and she was discouraged but some people she say messing up at church that she knew about. I told her I had aready known about those people but that she couldn't focus on them but on her walk that God see's everything and everyone will have there time before God to account for it. I told her that Jesus is her lover, her boyfriend that he loves her more that any man even Gabriel(current love interest) and that know matter what God will be faithful to her and be In-Love-with-Her and not just Love-her like gab told her recently on the phone. she had a "but" (like we always do including myself) he'd make a great father to my son. I told her no excuses. come on nicole don't cop out.
Anyways i could believe the stuff coming out of my mouth when i was talking to her. It truely wasn't me but God doing it. Cus' who am i to talk, please i'm a big mess up. I knew it was God cus' my mouth just kept moving and it was what needed to be said to nicole.
Anyways she's a great friend she called me back.. saying I know you haven't really talked about the phone bill with me and I know its got to be a big worry for you, let me call you back! That was so big for me I hate asking for help and being imbarsed about my problems but she knew and kindly heartfully insisted.
What a beautiful friend she is to me. Thank u God for nicole.
xox
anyways I've made this journal entry really big so i'm going to cut it off here.
Let see what happens.
brianna
|
|
(comment on this)
|
| Tuesday, March 1st, 2005
| |
9:51 pm
|
So this morning was hell. I got into a thing with my mom. She was screaming at me to get up but the thing was i just went to bed an hour before to came in to wake me up. I was very depressed the night before. I was looking at my credit report trying to figure out a plan. I've got a couple of years before they fall off my record. It's not a smart idea if I go bancrupt. Anyways my mom made me so mad that It was pushing me over the edge I just wanted to die. I was made plans about how to do it. But latter that day I just wanted to sleep more than anything. It made me tried of the things i'd have to do before hand. I guess I'm lazy thats the only thing that stops me, it was just that feeling of overwhelmed as if she was asking way to much from me very very sad.
O don't forget I blasted Rage Against the Machine, Not gonna do what they tell ya. That was a favorite, you can imagine
anyways the sleep made me feel better not all crazy pycho now.
current mood:  blank
|
|
(comment on this)
|
|
|
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif?v=88.8){kind=small}
trinityessence's journal